How She Does It: Sarah Tarca, beauty & lifestyle journalist, & co-founder of gloss etc.

On organised chaos, shaping work around motherhood, and the importance of scheduling time for self-care.

HSDI is an interview series featuring mothers within the DD community. Here, we examine the juggle of paid working mothers – we talk motherhood, career, routine, self-care and daycare. I ask the things you actually want to know, like what they outsource, why they work, how they work, keep it together and get out the door each morning. If you’d like to be featured please email hello@deardilate.com.

Sarah with her sons, Yuki and Miko.

Can you start by sharing a bit about yourself and your family dynamic?

Phil is in digital marketing, we have a small agency we run together, but he also manufactures and sells e-bikes - his company is Enki Cycles. I'm a writer and beauty editor who spent 15 years as magazine editor before "retiring" to go freelance in 2016. I'm the co-founder of Australia's first dedicated beauty newsletter, gloss etc, which I co-founded with another ex-Marie Claire beauty editor in 2021 - a week before my second son was born (what can I say, I like a challenge!). Each week we serve up our personal recs, answer the questions we've always wanted to know, interview experts, and review products that we've tried/tested and loved. It's basically an extension of the WhatsApp groups we have with our friends – we only recommend the things we'd recommend to them – but it's designed like a glossy magazine beauty page because we'll forever be print girls at heart. I also do the content side of our digital marketing business, as well as freelancing for a bunch of Australian titles like Body and Soul, Gritty Pretty and Grazia, as well as editing The Memo’s blog, Notepad. So yeah, we have three businesses between us - we don't do things by halves. All the home stuff is split pretty evenly because we're both at home, it just kind of works itself out. We're not very regimented by nature, which is a nice way of saying that we're completely crap at organising ourselves.

How would you describe what season or stage you’re in in motherhood at the moment?
I think I'm in the phase of motherhood where I've just started coming out of the fog. I've found my groove again, I know who this version of myself is, I'm getting (slightly!!) more sleep and I'm holding my breath less! It's a really fun season, where I'm really getting to know the little people I've created.

Being small business owners can mean there is no maternity or paternity leave – when did you return to work with Yuki and then Miko - what did you learn the second time around?

Two weeks with Yuki, two months with Miko. But our situation is unique because we had two parents at home. I don't want to glorify the hustle, it's not that. It was the reality of owning my own business and also being lucky enough to have a second parent at home permanently. We are so grateful to have careers that afford that kind of flexibility that's meant we could work from anywhere in the world, or our lounge room. We always loved the idea of having them both at home with us for these early years, and fitting work around that, and we unknowingly had laid the groundwork for this by our years of freelance/ working flexibly. So it just kind of worked for us. What I didn't expect is that so many people would have feelings about this! The amount of people that have told me I should put the boys in daycare is unbelievable. It's strange, because I would never think to tell someone how they should care for their child, but for some reason they feel justified in offering this to me, especially if I mention how challenging the juggle can be sometimes. We all have our challenges, or guilts, our feelings of wanting to do it better. I don't think anyone feels like they've 100% nailed it. But anyway, it may have felt like a lofty concept at the time, but now with Yuki only a year away from school I'm so grateful we made that decision and that I was able to mold work around my mothering. Time is like quicksand with these babies.

Did you always envision you would be juggling career and kids? Or pre-kids did you think you would stop work and take on a stay-at-home role?
I definitely don't think I could've even dreamt up the situation we currently have – it just wasn't something I thought was possible and I feel very lucky that we're able to do it our way. When I was editing magazines my job was my child in so many ways so if I'd had kids back then my situation would be very different and they'd be in full-time childcare. I guess what I have now is a stay at home mum role simultaneously running alongside my work life.

What does your career mean to you – why do you work? 
I've always been incredibly ambitious and driven. I moved states when I was 21 to follow a dream into magazines and devoted so much of my life to the titles I worked on for 15 years. When I left magazines I felt like a part of me had gone, and I really had no idea who I was anymore. It was my whole identity and I really had to unravel myself from that and rediscover what brought me joy again. From the age of seven I wanted to be a writer, I just love it so much – the beauty of it, the power of words, the way it can connect people. It IS the common ground between us all, and I'm so grateful to have that gift. It also has a chameleon quality which means I'm never bored - I can write about a different topic every day, and continually learn from the people I interview. I don't think I'll ever not be writing, it's another limb to me. And I've never been able to stop. I'm lucky that I recognised that young and that my passion and my work are the same thing. I work because I love what I do and that's probably why I launched a brand just before Miko was born! I get super creative when I'm pregnant and when I had the idea for gloss etc, it just wouldn't go away – I had to do it. It wasn't the ideal time, but then it never is. I could not have done it without my incredible co-founder, Sherine, who perpetually tolerates my chaos.

How do you work – Take us through your schedule.
It's... not ideal. At least for the moment. But I know it won't always be like this. I mostly work after 7pm when the boys are in bed, and on tuesdays when they visit their grandparents. I work 7 days but not all day every day – Phil and I tag team parenting and work while also trying to make sure we have quality family time. There is no real schedule, but I have to say being a mum has made me excellent at time management. I can't believe I used to have eight hours a day to do things! I could cure cancer with 8 hours! Or at least read a book about it.

How do you get into work mode?
Classical music on, headphones in, caffeine and water by the bucketload, phone in another room (it's an addiciton, it needs to be away) and emails off. Hair tied back because it means business, and no activewear because this is not the time to be comfy.

What method of childcare have you opted for?
Neither boys have ever been in childcare. We juggle between us and Yuki goes to kinder two days a week. Some days it's easy and magic, other days we wonder why the hell we didn't go down a more conventional route. It's not perfect but I don't think anyone has nailed it. We're all just doing what we can and making the best of the situation we have.

What do you outsource? What helps make life a bit easier. 
The boys are really close to their grandparents and they go there once a week, and Yuki will often stay overnight.

In motherhood, what do you find most challenging?
From a parenting perspective, it was the first 8 weeks of Miko. Yuki had been so excited about having a sibling, was literally counting the days until they arrived and reading his big brother books daily, so I was completely blindsided by his emotions in the first few weeks – and my own. He would hang off my neck when I changed Miko, sit on me when I was feeding... and direct all his emotions at me. I felt like I was grieving our (old) relationship and also completely failing as a mother. How had I not anticipated this? So I decided to have a dedicated "mama and Yuki" day a week (I called it that, the reality is it was a couple of hours). We would pick something to do and just get out of the house while Phil looked after Miko. Around week 8, when I asked Yuki what he wanted to do on Mama and Yuki day he told me he wanted Miko to come. The emotions had levelled and he obviously knew now that he wasn't going to lose me. I was so proud of him - and us for finding a way through that.

Sarah and Yuki.

I read somewhere that your child only needs 10 minutes of uninterrupted you time (no phones, completely present) to feel connected and I feel like this is so achievable for everyone. On my most challenging days I always have that in my mind. From a personal perspective the greatest challenge for me was finding my new normal - and being ok with that. It took me a long time to realise I couldn't say yes to as much anymore, and to not feel guilty about it. Setting boundaries is not something that comes naturally to me, but it was much easier once I had kids, because if that thing was going to take me away from time with them, it had to be worth it. This is still a work in progress of course, most days I feel like I'm not doing a great job of parenting or work, but isn't that just a metaphor for motherhood? I've never learned more in my life.

I’d be completely mad not to ask you this – how do you get you out the door looking so polished?

I long to be a planner, but the reality is I'm much more off the cuff. The only thing I really think about is what to pack for Yuki's lunch, which really says a lot about my priorities. His kinder days are long (8:30-4) and I live in fear of him being hungry because both boys eat all the time, always. So I pack his lunch like my Nonna and constantly make enough for a footy team. I always get the boys ready first because then it's just up to me, and I can manage my own time – even if it's only 10 minutes – whereas if I only had 10 minutes to get them ready, they'd inevitably slow play it and decide that today was the day where they needed to reorganise their entire wardrobe. Beauty wise, day to day I keep it super simple. As a beauty editor I'm trialling new products every day so my face goes through a lot, which is why I pare it back when I can. For day, my essentials are a vitamin C serum (my ride-or-die is Skinceuticals CE ferulic), moisturiser (whatever I have, not fussed on brand), sunscreen (always and forever the greatest beauty product that ever there was). I pop on Ultra Violette Daydream screen if I need a bit of coverage, tubular mascara to make me look alive (I have blonde lashes, without it I look... unwell) and also because it's invincible, and a bit of brow product (Benefit Gimme Brow, always). If I need something extra it's a lip/cheek tint (I love the Rose Inc ones).

Self-care and motherhood often don’t come hand-in-hand but it is so important. How do you ensure you take time out for yourself and how do you make this happen and how often? 

I practise yoga at least twice a week and I know it makes me a better parent because it’s not just the alone time, it's the exercise and the mental health too. It checks all the boxes for me. Just after Miko was born, Phil and I made a pact to give each other this self care time twice a week. He does martial arts, and I do yoga. They're non-negotiable in our lives, we schedule them in and they don't get moved. It's taught the boys to respect this self-care time too, they know we're doing something we love, and that it calms us and makes us better parents.

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Connect – @tarca | @gloss.etc

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