Jacinda Ardern resigns, quitting intensive parenting, a glowy face sunscreen and the skirt I'm obsessed with.

A list of good things to read, listen to, wear and try because you just might like it too.

I’m trying something new this week and sharing some unsolicited recommendations – the things I’ve read or bought, tried, enjoyed and think you would too. No items in this list are gifted, but if you’re a brand and want me to try something, please email hello@deardilate.com for my consideration. If you like this very casual read then let me know and if you hate it, keep it to yourself ha (kidding, also feel free to let me know!).

READ – 

It’s Time to Stop Asking if Women Can Have it All. We Can. By Jessica Grosse, NYTParenting.
New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced she would be stepping down on February 7 as she had “nothing left in the tank.” Jess has a refreshing and informed opinion on why this is a win for working mothers everywhere rather than the ridiculous rhetoric debating if women can and should have it all. “I never thought “having it all” meant we should sacrifice our entire lives and our health on the altar of ambition and outward metrics of success or financial reward. It shouldn’t mean that we can never leave a professional role that is no longer suiting us or our families, because feminism, or something. The world would probably be better off if more leaders were like Ardern, less concerned about their own egos and more concerned about what was best for their countries. The “I alone can fix it” posture has its obvious limitations.”

Becoming An Art Monster In A Pandemic. By Amanda Montei, Mad Woman.
Amanda is a brilliant writer and author, and this essay is one of my favourites. She discusses the price of creativity when amidst a care crisis and weaves in her own challenges to both write and mother. Her words hit home, and they will hit home for any creative trying to fit time in and perhaps during caretaking as that may be the only time we get to pursue our art while also debating how we look at female artists (versus male). Amanda writes, “But when the public life I had worked so hard to regain in the Before Times seemed in danger of slipping away for good, I committed myself to finishing the book I had started in those better days— the only way, as I saw it, of saving myself from the “mundane things” that threatened to consume me.

The logistics of this method of self-rescue were complicated. Even when schools resumed, they did so part-time. Through it all, I wrote with a frenetic, frantic energy, like Rich, who said that writing in motherhood was for her an effort to locate some “tapestry” that pulled the world together, help her make sense of all the disparate threads of her life. I committed to my own selfishness—to putting the work of writing above all else. Even when the kids were home, I locked the door to the small room in which I wrote or shooed them away, go outside, griped that they must find a way to entertain themselves. They cried.”

How To Quit Intensive Parenting. By Elliot Haspel, The Atlantic.
This week I wrote an essay on rage and why you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you aren’t perfect (no one is). This article isn’t new, but I’ve read it multiple times and find it helpful. Lots of head nods from me. “Good enough” does not mean mediocre or apathetic (the not-good-enough parent is real), but requires acknowledging the point beyond which attempts at further optimization cause more harm than good. Given reasonable conditions and plenty of love, there are many ways in which kids can have happy childhoods and emerge as healthy, conscientious, successful adults.”

Image: The Atlantic

LISTEN –
How To Flirt Well + Quit Your Resentment Cycle, The Nourished Mother.
Ahhh this is a constant battle in my and, and I assume, many couples post-kids. The mother – exhausted, touched out and wondering how to let romance back in when there’s washing and emails piling up. This recommendation came via @cocoonbynaomi, and it couldn’t be more timely for me.

WEAR –
Mecca Cosmetica To Save Face SPF50+ Brightening Sun Serum.
A glowy, not greasy, sunscreen serum that disguises my pigmentation and looks glorious just with a little bronzer on top. My skin is not overly dry or oily, but I hate anything greasy as I wear sunscreen daily, including to work under makeup. This is a winner for me.

REFY Cream Blusher in Malaya from Net-a-porter.
And while I’m on the beauty recs, this Refy Cream Blush in Malaya is divine. I press it onto my lips, cheeks, and a tiny bit on the bridge of my nose over the top of the Mecca sunscreen, add a touch of NARS creamy concealer and I’m out the door in next to no time.

Me, wearing said glowy sunscreen and divine blush and can this light follow me around?

WISHLIST –
Camilla And Marc Valentia Skirt.
I’ve dreamed of this skirt since Annie Brown, Style Editor at The Australian and Vogue Australia, wrote about it last year. Still, I procrastinate and obsess and don’t pull the trigger (as I do!), then just as I was about to add to cart, it sold out in my size. But I love it, and I’m determined to build a wardrobe full of things I feel good so I’ll wait for a restock (there’s also another colourway coming soon, which, god help me and my indecisiveness!). I think this skirt is versatile and perfect for just about everything.

Annie looking like a dream in her Valentina Skirt.

ONTE Helena Gilet in Blanca.
Another item I sat on has sold out, probably because by the time I spotted it (a friend of mine has it in black), one of the chicest new mums I’ve come across, Zara Wong recommended it too. She also heads up Mecca’s content and editorial and writes a clever newsletter, Screenshot This, which is full of unsponsored recommendations to wear, read, and watch.

Zara in the Helena Gilet.

WIN –
Win over $2400 worth of chic essentials for mum and bub.
Another plug for this because the prize is just too good to miss; a two year paid subscription to Dear Dilate along with a Venice Cot from Tasman Eco, a PHILE Baby Bag, Linen Play Mat, and Cashmere Blanket, a Towel Set from Fridah, and gift vouchers from Bare Mum, By Billie and Sprout Organic. Keen? Enter here.

What are you reading, wearing and loving? Comment below.