Recs: The $60 jeans blowing up my DMs, 'Selfish' needs a rebrand, supporting transgender kids and a buttery soft bra.
A list of good things to read, listen to, wear and try because you just might like it too.
I’m back sharing some unsolicited recommendations – the things I’ve read or bought, tried, enjoyed and think you would too. Disclaimer: I take my recommendations seriously, and though some items may be gifted, trust me, if they are shit, they won’t make the list.
LISTEN –
’Selfish’ needs a rebrand, The Work by Erin Deering.
For those who don’t know Erin Deering, she is the co-founder of Triangl Swimwear, mentor, business guru, fashion girlie and self-care aficionado. The mother of four has learnt the hard way how important it is to take care of yourself first, and for someone like me who really struggles with this (and to my own detriment), I found this episode, in particular, to be helpful in reframing the thought of taking time to myself. She discusses why being selfish isn’t a terrible thing and rather a necessary element of taking care of oneself. She also touches on the tired old construct of the selfless mother and why that has to go. “Selfless has been touted especially in the female landscape and the mother landscape as the goal… I will abandon all my sense of self for others because that is my dutiful thing to do and where is my metal for that? And it’s like, well there’s no fucking medal…” She also admits to getting it wrong, the difference between careless and selfish, the importance of setting boundaries, and why putting yourself first is beneficial for your entire family.
READ –
How to support a child on the transgender spectrum by Melissa Wenner Moyer, New York Times.
I have been thinking a lot about the LGBTIQA+ community and, in particular, how important it is for me as a parent, a heterosexual parent, to research and educate myself on how best to teach my son, who, as far as I know, he identifies as his assigned gender, about gender and sexuality. This is still a very taboo topic, and it can be hard to navigate this as a parent, but no matter how difficult it is to understand or have these conversations, like anything, it is far more beneficial for our kids to have the support of their parents and community; this article is a great resource for how to approach this not only if you suspect your child may be on the transgender spectrum but to understand and show support for anyone who does not identify as their assigned gender. ‘The most important thing is for parents to communicate their love and support, Dr Summers said – and it’s OK if you make some mistakes along the way. “ Tell them that you’re sorry that you may get things wrong, but you’re trying your best to get it right.”
When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question by Janice Dunn, New York Times.
We’ve all been on the receiving end of advice that you never asked for nor did you need while venting your frustrations. You know exactly what you need to do, and just want someone to listen. Like the writer’s husband, mine also is a ‘fixer’, and if I’m upset, he jumps into solution mode, which, bless him, is nice, but for the most part, I want to be heard. “Throughout our marriage, if I told my husband Tom about a problem I was having, he would start troubleshooting before I was done talking. He meant well, but his suggestions made me crankier. Sometimes I just craved a silent bear hug.” This piece offers some great advice for times when you’re not really sure what to say or if you have a habit of troubleshooting rather than listening; this is for you.
WEAR –
Uniqlo tapered boyfriend jeans.
If I had a dollar for every DM I received about these jeans, well, I wouldn’t have to bother researching affiliate links ha. I mainly shop at Uniqlo for knitwear, but I liked the look of these jeans. I wanted a relaxed pair, not too tight, mid-waist, close to that true denim colour, with no rips and ankle length, and I think these $60 jeans truly fit the bill. I sized up, but I probably could have gone my regular size as they seemed to have stretched a little as I’ve worn them. Here I was off to Fred’s swimming lessons, then a play date and running errands. I’m trying a new thing where I only wear tights if I’m exercising, which is a challenge for me. I paired them with a Toteme tee, but any tee that is not too long and can be tucked will work, (old) leather thongs by St. Agni (Wittner also has a good pair on sale here), and a crewneck sweater (I also have matching tracksuit pants).
I’ll wear this look layered with a coat and my Khaite sneakers (I got them on sale, and if you’re a size 11, you're in luck!), but any slimline sneakers will work – I quite like these Wales Bonner x Adidas sneakers.
After many failed attempts at being online when these in-demand caps drop, I finally got my hands on one. I’m trying to work bits of colour into my otherwise very neutral wardrobe, and a fun (and safe) way to do so is through accessories. This cornflower blue is just enough colour for me, and though this is sold out, here’s a GANNI cap that is very similar.
TRIED & LOVED –
First Thing Plunge Bra.
I received a DM from a member of our community confessing they were still in their PP wear, three years on, and no shame, but we need to get you some new underwear! So when the universe, well, Georgia, the founder, sent me First Thing to try out, I couldn’t help but oblige in the name of research – and I’m so glad I did. I’m a size 10B and would say it fits true to size. The fabric is high-quality and butter-soft, undetectable under a tee, and the comfort is out of this world. I could leave the plunge bra on all day without adjusting or needing to rip it off as soon as I got home. Though this was #gifted, along with the V-cut undies, which are equally as divine – I will be purchasing another colourway or two!
Got any recommendations? Or need help sourcing something? Leave a comment or email me: hello@deardilate.com