Recs: The seasons, the madness of no formal childcare, motherhood penalty, a cure for mum guilt?
Continuing the theme of career and motherhood...
Good evening mothers,
Just a quickie to say, firstly, a huge thank you for all of the support and feedback on my latest essay, Is It Better To Feels Guilt Or Resentment? I’ve had so many messages commending how brave I am to writer so openly but the truth is I am not brave. This is life. This is a challenge I know I am not alone in. There are some things I will never share and that I choose to and will always keep private – a healthy boundary for sharing parts of my life online. I’m not trying to share the highest of highs or lowest of lows, I don’t care for writing clickbait or pretending I’m an expert for anyone else’s child other than my own. So I write what I know, what I am or have worked through, researched or find is often unspoken. I write about the grey areas in motherhood that have nothing to do with the actual child itself but everything to do with us. Some parts are good, some are bad and some simply just are – but all should be talked about.
Secondly, I thought I would continue the theme! Here are a few articles I have read, and ones that were recommended by you –
What is the motherhood penalty and how big is it? ABC.net.au
This may just be adding fuel to the fire but it is if nothing, interesting to read the numbers. It is no wonder why so many mothers start their own businesses.The joy of underperforming. The Atlantic
This was sent to me by Nicole Freeman, a mother in the DD community. When I first saw the word “seasons” I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes. Seasons is a word that is often used in motherhood, especially when one is going through a tough time. I feel it really just dismisses the hardship of certain moments which are more than seasons – years rather. But this article is not what I first thought, and o and I’m glad I read to the end. “Stulberg recommends viewing your identity as a house, one in which you might spend most of your time within just one or two rooms for a while. But you don’t want to let the other rooms go so unused for so long that they fall into disrepair. Even parenting, which seems like something you can’t overdo, eventually ends. When your kids move out, you’ll want other elements of your identity—hobbies, friends—to dwell in.”Is there any cure for working mothers’ guilt? Vogue.com
This is an article from 2016 but is still so relevant. The writer, Michelle Ruiz, shares her personal story about wanting to return to work, then the guilt that follows as well as advice from other career women on how to curb this feeling. Especially like this last point, although I think it is also extremely important for our sons to see us working and their fathers contributing to the domestic labour too: “We're going to have to be out there doing battle for our girls. Staying home certainly isn’t going to help them. I want my daughters to know me as someone who is out there making the world a better place, not someone who is at home cutting the crusts off their sandwiches. If I ever feel guilty again, I’ll remember that’s how they keep us in our places.”
Full-time job, zero formal child-care. The Cut.
This is just utter madness but it is a wild reality for so many American parents. It does make me feel very fortunate to be born and live in Australia where the child-care while still expensive, is subsidised by the government. I definitely would not be able to work without it. Sara Crampton recommended this and pointed out the comments section is on point, even if you don’t read the article.
A more uplifting podcast to end on. I listened to this a while ago, and I remember Athena saying she had not known what she wanted to do, then found herself helping her husband's business, only to realise she wanted something of her own. A reminder it’s never too late.
Jade x