"I work because I want our daughter to grow up witnessing powerful women - powerful Queer women..."

A conversation with Lauren Trend, Founder of Self-Practice.

An interview series featuring mothers within the DD community. Here, we examine the juggle of paid working mothers – we talk motherhood, career, routine, self-care and daycare. I ask the things you actually want to know, like what they outsource, why they work, how they work, keep it together and get out the door each morning.

Can you start by sharing a bit about your family dynamic and what roles each of you take on that helps to keep the household functioning?
My partner Lucy and I are mothers to our daughter Mila, who will be two later this year. We’re a two mum family so naturally with that comes a lot of unique experiences. Although our experience may be unique, and our family dynamic inarguably less common, we exist and operate for the most part very similarly to most families. 

Lucy and I both work. I run my own business - I’m the founder of Self Practice, and work as a freelance consultant for emerging artists, designers, brands and businesses, around my responsibilities within my own company. Lucy is a lawyer and works for the Department of Premier and Cabinet in First Peoples’ State Relations. 

We’re both incredibly fulfilled by our work and have conversations regularly about how necessary that fulfilment is for us to function as the best mothers that we can be. 

I was the birthing parent, so after Mila was born, Lucy went back to work full time and I took on the role of primary carer. Because I work for myself, flexibility as far as working hours has always been there. In the early days, Mila was an incredibly (incredibly!) easy baby. It was almost jarring how easy I found working and parenting full time when she was a baby. (I’d spent the last months of my pregnancy incredibly anxious about how I was going to cope.)

As Mila’s grown, and naturally needed more of our time, energy and attention, it's definitely become more of a juggling act. Mila is 19 months and still isn't in daycare. We’re currently on the hunt for a nanny but haven’t found the perfect person just yet. So until we do, we rely on the support of her grandparents, a lot. And for that we’re incredibly grateful. 

As far as domestic duties go, we share the cleaning load, but Lucy does all the cooking. It’s such a huge job and I’m honestly so grateful that she takes care of it. I do all of Mila’s night wakes. Not necessarily by choice, I’m the only one that can settle her. Almost always after a feed. As soon as she sees Lucy she thinks it’s play time. So we save ourselves the midnight struggle. With toddlers, you pick your battles, right?

Can you give us a basic rundown of your day – what does your job entail? 

Each day varies, so perhaps I’ll just give you a run down of today… Which for the most part, I’d say is an average day. 

I woke up at 6am and settled Mila back down to sleep before sitting down at my desk to start work for the day. I love early mornings to work or just have a second to myself before the house wakes up. 

Mila woke up at around 8am which is a big sleep in for her. Lucy takes the dogs for a walk each morning so I do Mila’s breakfast and our morning routine. If I don’t get my skincare and self-care practices done before Mila wakes up, I invite her to join me. 

She watches me wash my face and apply serums and moisturisers and she copies and mirrors my actions which honestly is just the sweetest thing. In one of my books, I prompt our readers to consider "who taught you how to take care of yourself?” and I always think of this through the lens of being Mila’s answer to that question. 

Lucy’s Mum arrived shortly after 8.30am to come and look after Mila for the morning. By 9am they’re out the door, off to the park to play so Lucy and I can begin, or continue, our working days. 

Mila’s just having one nap now, so she goes down just before midday after being cared for by her grandparents in the morning, and I continue to use that window to keep ticking things off my to-do list, so that when she wakes, we can spend the afternoon together and I can be as present with her as possible. 

Given Lucy still works from home most days, she preps us all lunch so that when Mila wakes up from her nap we can all sit down together to eat. Taking a moment of pause in our busy days to come together as a family. 

My afternoons with Mila are often filled with an activity or a trip to the shops to pick up anything we might need. Sometimes I’ll get some work done while sitting at the kitchen table if she’s playing independently. 

Lately Mila and I have been jumping in the bath together in the afternoons which is honestly my go-to for a day that feels like it’s just dragging on and on. She plays in the water and I get to soak. It’s a win, win. 

At around 5pm we begin dinner prep. Well, Lucy does. Mila and I keep playing and reading books talking about her day and re-capping everything she got up to. We sit down for dinner at around 6pm before popping Mila in the bath before she goes down to bed at around 7pm. 

Depending on how much work I got done during the day, or where my energy levels are at, I might continue working into the night, or decide to switch off entirely. 

Regardless of how the rest of the evening pans out, I always mark the end of my working / parenting day with at least five to ten minutes of journaling. It’s a practice that I’ve employed for years and it helps me to vent, clear my mind of any top-of-mind stressors, or, and perhaps most importantly, express my gratitude for the incredible life that I have. 

Lucy and I opt for lights out at around 10pm and we get some sleep before waking up to do it all again the next day! 

Running a business, what did you put in place to enable you to take maternity leave and how long did you take off? 

I didn't take any time off. I was one of those mothers that was on emails in the hospital with the baby sitting next to her. I love what I do. So as cliche as it is, in many ways, it doesn't feel like work. As mentioned briefly earlier, Mila was an incredibly easy baby. A unicorn in many ways. So while I did my best to try and switch off and be present with her (which I still did a lot of!), our newborn days were honestly spent just sitting on our sofa with her plopped between us sleeping soundly, so I just grabbed my laptop out and kept on working. 

In many ways, it felt like the right thing to do. I feel like I’m at my best, across every area of my life, when I’m feeling inspired and connected to my ideas and to my work. I suppose that’s the very notion that I’ve turned into a business - so by practicing what I preach - it felt right. 

What does your career mean to you – why do you work? 

I work because I love it. I work to support the life that I want to provide for my family. I work because I want our daughter to grow up witnessing powerful women - powerful Queer women - carving out opportunities and space for themselves in a society that has historically (and currently!) void them of such respect and recognition.

My relationship with my work is always evolving but it definitely feels like a more profound part of my life now that I’m a parent. I think that it’s multilayered, in the sense of wanting to build the best life that I can for our family. But also because I’ve got ten thousand more ideas (thanks to the overwhelming influx of creativity that comes with motherhood!) and a fraction of the time to act on them. 

And if I’m honest, in pockets of the day, when I’m wiping away tantrum tears or centering the needs of our tiny person, my career can feel like it’s something that’s slowly slipping away from me, in a blurry haze. But then I have days that I’m completely connected to and fulfilled by my work, and working on projects that were once a pipe dream, so I do my best to remind myself that two realities can exist at once. 

I am a mother. I am career driven. While they might not happen in complete unison, they happen in tandem. Each part of me takes the lead or back seat again, in due course. Such is the dance of the working parent. 

How do you get into work mode and continually feel inspired? 

I feel like staying continually inspired is a myth. I ebb and flow between feeling in touch with inspiration and ideas, and feeling completely disconnected. If I’m feeling the latter, I know it’s because I’m feeling burnt out and at my limit, operating in survival mode. I’m just doing my best to get through the insurmountable to-do list - both at home and at work - and try my best not to panic or beat myself up, because I know that in time it will pass. And soon enough, I’ll have access to that state of calm and ease and creativity again. But that space is hard to access, if not impossible, without support. 

As for getting into work mode. I know that I operate best in the mornings. If I can get a few hours of uninterrupted work done, early in the morning, often while Mila is still sleeping - it can free me up for the rest of the day. 

I’m amazed by how much I can fit into the most marginal windows of time now that I’m a mother. It’s like your brain just has new software, whereby all decision making happens at lightning speed, and you just get down to it. It’s quite freeing, actually. 

What have you found the most challenging and most delightful about motherhood? 

I suppose it’s always changing, as each season, especially with young children, can look and feel so different. But right now, I’d say the most challenging part is the overwhelming assumption that I’m straight. People are so quick to assume that if you have a child, and present as female, that the child’s other parent is male, and therefore presumptuously to be identified as ‘Dad’. 

It completely erases Queer families and same-sex parent relationships. And it happens way too often. At the park, in the doctor's office, buying groceries. It’s relentless. We’re endlessly having to come out to, and educate people, on top of the already massive load that parenting comes with, full stop. 

And the most delightful part about motherhood, for me personally, is having the privilege of experiencing it authentically. Growing up, I had no idea that this was going to be a possibility for me. And I’m overwhelmed with pride and joy that this life, this beautiful life, is mine. 

That’s not at all to say that that doesn't come with oftentimes overwhelming challenges as briefly mentioned earlier, especially existing in a hetero-patriarchal society. But I’d be remiss to not acknowledge the sheer privilege that we have today, to be recognised as a family, by law, because of the tenacity, strength, activism and courage from our LGBTQIA+ community. 

You have impeccable taste in fashion, what’s your daily uniform or the items you wear on repeat? 

That’s terribly kind, thank you! I’m a uniform dresser by nature and have been for the better part of the last decade - so long before Mila arrived. But it’s absolutely how I’d dress now, for the sake of convenience and feeling put together with minimal effort, were I not doing so before.

My wardrobe is made up of all neutrals and I opt for unique textiles, textures and quality pieces that I know will transcend seasons and stay with me forever. Most days I parent and work, so I typically reach for denim, knitwear and / or relaxed tailoring, to feel comfortable, relaxed yet still polished. 

Self-care and motherhood often don’t come hand-in-hand, but it is so important, and I know you have a really good routine in terms of exercise and wellness. What self-care practices do you have in place? How do you ensure you take time out for yourself, and how do you make this happen? 

I think one’s relationship with self-care is something that’s constantly in flux and ever evolving. During some seasons, it’s not even a possibility let alone a forethought, and other times, we’re all over it. Mine is no different. While I’ve built a brand and business centred around fostering the relationship that we have with ourselves, I’m no perfect student. I’m constantly looking for ways to better show up for myself, especially since becoming a mother and putting the needs of my child and family first. 

As touched on earlier, something I’m trying to be cognizant of is not denying myself of moments of self-care if Mila is in my presence, and bringing her into the fold with me. 

It might not be the picture perfect, luxe scenario that it might be if I had that time in the bath or with a book alone, but it’s important for me to teach her what caring for ourselves looks like. Whether that’s sharing a bath, a long (and very slow!) walk around the block, or taking to my journal while she sits next to me drawing with some crayons. 

The more that I can intertwine my role as a mother with my self-care practices, the more I feel myself relax into the present moment, and to me - that’s the most important marker of well-being - both as a person, and a parent. 

Present, attentive. Prioritising mindful care.

selfpractice.com.au
@Laurentrend / @self.practice

Images – Lauren’s own.