A timely and important preface to a deeper discussion Jade, thank you for bringing these feelings, terms, and perspectives front and centre! Echoed sentiment felt right here.
There is so much to say on this topic. But I tried to add something to the discussion. As long as mothers work is not valued as in $ then how can society continue to say it is truly valued?
Totally! Such a difficult and at times for me a burdensome and quiet frustration. Considering how I balance the future of full time work with no additional support without having to be explicit and give everyone a list of new responsibilities. Am I indulgently dreaming of continuing to be part time so I can have some recovery days and keep all the domestic and angel touched items checked off that internal motherly list???
So much to unravel and I haven’t landed on where I sit (as though there is a side of the fence to sit on? What those sides are I don’t know). On the one hand I wholeheartedly believe that the Australian government needs to increase parental support (maternity leave and parental leave etc) for all families. And there is also a campaign running this week to increase the support given to parents of multiples (twins parents get no more than singleton parents despite twice the complications/nappies/hospital time/time out of works etc etc). Then on the other hand, I wonder why we/society needs to place a monetary value on something to make it be of value. Can we move towards a decapitalised position where we see the benefits in more than just an economic value that the main caregiver adds to the economy through raising children? I don’t have a conclusion. I did like the quote shared by Natalie Konyu in Howl Mag along the lines of not celebrating the fact that more women in work creates an opportunity for fathers to now increase their bond with their child. As you say it’s a privileged position to be able to think about these things and experiment with what works best for ourselves and our families.
These are the things we grapple with. I do believe not everything has to have or should have a monetary value attached to it but unless we no longer need money to survive, then money is what it comes down to. Fathers work more for the most part because they are paid more - men’s work is paid far better than females, and that with rising cost of living makes it near impossible for more fathers to work part time. Single mothers notoriously struggle financially and in most cases such little child support is paid, it’s hardly worth the paperwork.
It is very complex. And as always thank you for your insight Nat!
Yep I totally think you’re right on all those fronts. I think there is a long historical list of influences and changes in our modern society that lead to the nuclear family and the financial pressures we are all under. Thanks for the late night mind ponder/grapple!
It’s an interesting conversation isn’t it. And I’m not entirely sure what the answer is or should be or that will actually help but I’m thankful for conversations like these.
I'm so interested in how mothers who are exhausted, under-appreciated, or fed up respond to their situation. Do they take off for re-cooperating vacations too often? Have affairs? Check out of their role? Hunker down and turn off their passions to stay in line with the expectations put on them? great piece. :)
Well we just have to keep going, don’t we? And we have kept going for such a long time. There is so much for our generation of mothers to unlearn the capitalism to patriarchy and honestly sometimes I get all fired up and other times I just want to sleep! On another note, I watched The Lost Daughter last weekend and wow it really had an impact on me. Have you seen it?
I haven’t read it yet. It’s been on my list for a while... I’m really lagging when it comes to reading books at the moment. I have listened to her on a few podcasts and have read interviews and she os just incredible.
A timely and important preface to a deeper discussion Jade, thank you for bringing these feelings, terms, and perspectives front and centre! Echoed sentiment felt right here.
There is so much to say on this topic. But I tried to add something to the discussion. As long as mothers work is not valued as in $ then how can society continue to say it is truly valued?
Totally! Such a difficult and at times for me a burdensome and quiet frustration. Considering how I balance the future of full time work with no additional support without having to be explicit and give everyone a list of new responsibilities. Am I indulgently dreaming of continuing to be part time so I can have some recovery days and keep all the domestic and angel touched items checked off that internal motherly list???
The headline is perfect, as is everything else that follows it. So well put, Jade.
Thank you! I tried to articulate such a complex topic, while understanding my own privilege too. X
I agree!
So much to unravel and I haven’t landed on where I sit (as though there is a side of the fence to sit on? What those sides are I don’t know). On the one hand I wholeheartedly believe that the Australian government needs to increase parental support (maternity leave and parental leave etc) for all families. And there is also a campaign running this week to increase the support given to parents of multiples (twins parents get no more than singleton parents despite twice the complications/nappies/hospital time/time out of works etc etc). Then on the other hand, I wonder why we/society needs to place a monetary value on something to make it be of value. Can we move towards a decapitalised position where we see the benefits in more than just an economic value that the main caregiver adds to the economy through raising children? I don’t have a conclusion. I did like the quote shared by Natalie Konyu in Howl Mag along the lines of not celebrating the fact that more women in work creates an opportunity for fathers to now increase their bond with their child. As you say it’s a privileged position to be able to think about these things and experiment with what works best for ourselves and our families.
These are the things we grapple with. I do believe not everything has to have or should have a monetary value attached to it but unless we no longer need money to survive, then money is what it comes down to. Fathers work more for the most part because they are paid more - men’s work is paid far better than females, and that with rising cost of living makes it near impossible for more fathers to work part time. Single mothers notoriously struggle financially and in most cases such little child support is paid, it’s hardly worth the paperwork.
It is very complex. And as always thank you for your insight Nat!
Yep I totally think you’re right on all those fronts. I think there is a long historical list of influences and changes in our modern society that lead to the nuclear family and the financial pressures we are all under. Thanks for the late night mind ponder/grapple!
Haha there is so much to it. And there could be multiple essays dedicated to this topic.
Im going to go loan Natalie Konyu’s book The Cost of Labour from the library to get my head around it all more!
It’s an interesting conversation isn’t it. And I’m not entirely sure what the answer is or should be or that will actually help but I’m thankful for conversations like these.
I'm so interested in how mothers who are exhausted, under-appreciated, or fed up respond to their situation. Do they take off for re-cooperating vacations too often? Have affairs? Check out of their role? Hunker down and turn off their passions to stay in line with the expectations put on them? great piece. :)
Well we just have to keep going, don’t we? And we have kept going for such a long time. There is so much for our generation of mothers to unlearn the capitalism to patriarchy and honestly sometimes I get all fired up and other times I just want to sleep! On another note, I watched The Lost Daughter last weekend and wow it really had an impact on me. Have you seen it?
Loved this piece. You did not need to edit the headline. Well said. Have you read Essential Labor by Angela Garbes? It's a must to make you feel seen and angry and all the emotions and paradoxes between about domestic labor, mothering, and raising our kids. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/essential-labor-angela-garbes?variant=39707015020578
I haven’t read it yet. It’s been on my list for a while... I’m really lagging when it comes to reading books at the moment. I have listened to her on a few podcasts and have read interviews and she os just incredible.
It's funny, I linked to your article in her post that just went up: https://angelagarbes.substack.com/p/higher-love
Oh thank you!